yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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