She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
