I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
