trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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