Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
