good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
