erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
