Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
