He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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