I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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