dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize