you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
dude. I can hear the air.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
