I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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