Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
