jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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