Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize