Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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