failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
