We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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