You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize