I got chris browned last night
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
