where's my purse there's an important taco in it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
