david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
