Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
