toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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