She said her name was "party"
I could make wine with my vomit
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
