Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
