Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize