I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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