Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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