Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
