I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize