mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
