i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
