They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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