This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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