physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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