I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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