he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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