i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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