Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
