Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
