I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
