my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
