at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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