Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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