last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
