Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
