D3 body, D1 cock
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Girls should come with a carfax report
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
