Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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