you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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