Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
