I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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