She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
