Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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