How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
