I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
