If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize