Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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