M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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