Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
