used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
