Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
