I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ketchup is God's man juice
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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