I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
