my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
