Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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