The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
