I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
