tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
