i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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