Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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