I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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