Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
