I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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