Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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