I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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