Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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