You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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