We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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