I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Alive.
So much puke
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
