I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
