"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
