Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
