I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
