I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
