I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He shit in the fireplace
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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