i already hear my dad disowning me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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