im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
